God has blessed me in so many ways,
With a wonderful family to brighten my days.
A wife who has loved me and stayed by my side,
A son and a daughter, along for the ride.

Grandchildren and Great Grandchild, fill out the clan,
They’re all a part of GOD’S Heavenly plan.
I’ve made my deposit, to the bank here on earth.
That’s how we are measured by what we are worth.

Then GOD gave me friends and said, “Now you have wealth.”
“I’ve given you much, but I won’t guarantee health.”
“Your family and friends will watch over you.”
“And fill you with laughter whenever you’re blue.”

Then I answered, “GOD, I don’t want to sound brash,”
“But I wish YOU would have included a little more cash.”
GOD then roared with laughter and said, “Don’t you know?”
“You can’t take it with you when I say Let’s Go.”

Then I looked at my family and then my friends too,
And realized what GOD said, really was true.
If you have your family and someone to call friend,
That’s all you will need, right up to the end.

So, no more complaining, I have my gold mine,
I’ll just ride life’s train to the end of the line.
And at the Heavenly Depot, I won’t have a care.
‘Cause GOD gave me enough to pay the full fare.

© Joe Pielmeier Sr. ~ 2002

*CLICK TO PLAY*Donna Lewis – I Love You Always Forever

To Caroline Kate

The love of my life

You may not know it my dear wife,
But as I say your name each night.

I know I’ll love you for all my life

Thinking of you as I turn out the light

We will both grow old together

Throughout our twilight years

No matter what life brings I’ll be yours forever

Through all life’s aches and pains and fears

 
Sometimes life may be a struggle,

As we wake to start each new day

With you there is much I want to do

And so very much I would like to say

But if it all should end tomorrow,
I want you now to know.
I will always love my dear Caroline,
and I hope she loves her Steve.

*CLICK TO PLAY* Celine Dion – My heart will go on *CLICK TO PLAY*

I wake up every morning I’m really missing you,

At night I had a dream of you it’s all I seem to do

Another day of missing you is what now I will do

That can only happen because I love you like I do

Now that I’m awake missing you is what I do

Now the day has started I wish I could see you

Thinking of you dear wife I know true love never dies

 I think of you all day long it brings tear drops in my eyes

Soon it will be night I wish could be there with you

Cuddled up with you on the sofa is what I’d like to do

Instead I will spend all my night sat here missing you

There’s nothing more to do if you love your wife as I do

I could never love again these words I say are true

How can I when I’ll spend my whole life loving you

I hope that every night that someday you do find

I am here each and every day somewhere on your mind

 http://i-love-my-wife.co.uk

What is Love

• “Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way.”
• “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it or her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”
• “When someone loves you, the way she says your name is different. You know that your name is safe in her mouth.”
• “Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.”
• “Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don’t yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings.”
• “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”
• “Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”
• “Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss but they look happy and sometimes they dance in the kitchen while kissing.”
• “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”
• “If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”
• “Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no.”
• “When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you’re scared she won’t love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only does she still love you, she loves you even more.”
• “There are 2 kinds of love. Our love. God’s love. But God makes both kinds of them.”
• “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”
• “Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they’ve know each other so well.”
• “During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”
• “Love is-if you hold hands and sit beside each other in the cafeteria. That means you’re in love. Otherwise, you can sit across from each other and be okay.”
• “My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.”
• “Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.”
• “Don’t feel so bad if you don’t have a boyfriend. There’s lots of stuff you can do without one.”
• “Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”
• “If you want somebody to love you, then just be yourself. Some people try to act like somebody else, somebody the boy likes better. I think the boy isn’t being very good if he does this to you and you should just find a nicer boy.”
• “Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day”
• “When you’re born and see your mommy for the first time.”
• “Love is what makes people hide in the dark corners of movie theatres.”
• “Love goes on even when you stop breathing and you pick up where you left off when you reach heaven.”
• “My enemies taught me how to love.”
• “I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”
• “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”
• “You have to fall in love before you get married. Then when you’re married, you just sit around and read books together.”
• “I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her.”
• “Love cards like Valentine’s cards say stuff on them that we’d like to say ourselves, but we wouldn’t be caught dead saying.”
• “Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”
• “You never have to be lonely. There’s always somebody to love, even if it’s just a squirrel or a kitten.”
• “You can break love, but it won’t die.”

Its two thirty as I lie in this bed

Its always you that is in my head

If only I could have a wish

That it is not you that I now miss

But I still lie in bed all these days

And I think of my wife in so many ways

I lie and think of our last day together

I lie and think how I could have made it better

I Love you so much and want to show how I feel

I need you to know what I have for you is real

Every moment with you I will cherish forever

I wish right now that we could be together

Instead of your gown it is you I want beside me

It’s only with you that I can be set free

Without my wife by my side I feel out of place

When I close my eyes I think of you and see your face

I am missing you so very much, I just want you here

Do you really know how much I need you my dear

I Love you my wife don’t leave me here all alone

Please phone me up and say I can come home

My Love for you is far more than real

I lie here in bed wondering how you feel

And I still lie here in some sort of daze

Thinking of you my love in so many ways

I still lie here thinking of our last day together

I am thinking now I could have made it better

Did I get it across to you about how I feel

Did I show that what I have for you is real

I hope you know you are my life

What more can I say I love my wife

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he’d told her was empty. Then she settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.

It had been a year since Susan, 34, became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity. And all she had to cling to was her husband, Mark.

Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to become independent again.

Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan, and fulfilled Mark’s need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task.

Soon, however, Mark realized the arrangement wasn’t working. Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But she was still so fragile, so angry – how would she react? Just as he predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again.

“I’m blind!”, she responded bitterly. “How am I supposed to know where I am going? I feel like you’re abandoning me.”

Mark’s heart broke to hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it took, until she got the hang of it. And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day.

He taught her how to rely on her other senses, specifically her hearing, to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat.

Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus-riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, And his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday… Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better. She was doing it! She was going to work all by herself.

On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying the fare to exit the bus, the driver said, “Boy, I sure do envy you.” Susan wasn’t sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? Curious, she asked the driver, “Why do you say that you envy me?”

The driver responded, “It must feel good to be taken care of and protected like you are.” Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, and again asked, “What do you mean?”

The driver answered, “You know, every morning for the past week, a fine-looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you as you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches until you enter your office building.

Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady.” Tears of happiness poured down Susan’s cheeks. For although she couldn’t physically see him, she had always felt Mark’s presence. She was lucky, so lucky, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn’t need to see to believe – the gift of love that can bring light where there is darkness.

http://i-love-my-wife.co.uk/

Once upon a time, twin boys were conceived.

Weeks passed and the twins developed. As their awareness grew, they laughed for joy: “Isn’t it great that we were conceived? Isn’t it great to be alive? ”

Together the twins explored their worlds. When they found their mother’s cord that gave them life, they sang for joy! “How great our mother’s love is, that she shares her own life with us!”

As weeks stretched into months, the twins noticed how much each was changing.

“What does it mean?” one asked.

“It means our stay in this world is drawing to an end.” said the other.

“But I don’t want to go,” said one. “I want to stay here always.”

“We have no choice,” said the other. “But maybe there is life after birth.”

“But how can there be?” responded one. “We will shed our life cord and how can life be possible without it? Besides, we have seen evidence that others were here before us, and none of them has returned to tell us there is life after birth. No, this is the end. Maybe there is no mother after all.”

“But there has to be,” protested the other. “How else did we get here? How do we remain alive?”

“Have you ever seen our mother?” said one.

“Maybe she only lives in our minds. Maybe we made her up because the idea made us feel good.”

So the last days in the womb were filled with deep questioning and fear.

Finally, the moment of birth arrived. When the twins had passed from their world, they opened their eyes and cried for joy – for what they saw exceeded their fondest dreams.

That is birth … and that is death.

To Mary

It seemed like only yesterday,
When you walked down the aisle.
I saw the love light in your eyes,
And your gentle little smile.

You were nervous, so was I
You whispered, “Yes I do.”
I repeated, we embraced,
And I said, “I love you.”

We stood together, side by side,
Through times both thick and thin.
When troubles tried to fog our minds,
Our love grew strong within.

The bad times, we just pushed aside,
Our hearts were filled with joy.
First came our baby daughter,
And then our little boy.

Now they are grown and on their own,
The years went by too fast.
The home was always full of love,
We wanted it to last.

Next grandkids filled the quiet home,
New toys and screams of glee.
It was another happy time
For Grandma and for me.

GOD then saw fit to bless us both,
A Great grand daughter came along.
Once again our lives were made complete,
And our hearts were filled with song.

So life has come full circle,
May our love keep burning bright.
You are the one who holds my heart,
Through morning, noon and night.

For I love you like ’twas yesterday.
When we became as one,
You were friend, a lover, Mother too
And I say to you, “Well Done!”

© Joe Pielmeier Sr.

Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of
explanation, first:

 If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the
 rat race … you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the
 housework … you’re a pansy. If you work too hard … there’s never
 any time for her. If you don’t work enough ….. you’re a
 good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay
 … this is exploitation. If you have a  boring repetitive job with
 low pay ….. you should get off your lazy behind  and find something
 better. If you get a promotion ahead of her … that is  favoritism.
 If she gets a job ahead of you ….. it’s equal opportunity.

 If you mention how nice she looks … it’s sexual harassment. If
 you keep  quiet …… it’s male indifference. If you cry … you’re a
 wimp. If you  don’t …… you’re an insensitive bastard. If you make
 a decision without  consulting her ……. you’re a chauvinist. If she
 makes a decision without  consulting you, she’s a liberated woman. If
 you ask her to do something she  doesn’t enjoy … that’s domination.
 If SHE asks you … it’s a favor. If  you appreciate the female form
 and frilly underwear …… you’re a pervert.  If you don’t … you’re
 gay.

 If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape …
 you’re sexist..  If you don’t … you’re unromantic. If you try to
 keep yourself in shape  …… you’re vain. If you don’t … you’re a
 slob. If you buy her flowers  … you’re after something. If you don’t
you’re not thoughtful. If  you’re proud of your achievements …
 you’re full of yourself. If you don’t  … you’re not ambitious. If
 she has a headache … she’s tired. If you have  a headache …… you
 don’t love her anymore. If you want it too often ….
 you’re oversexed.. If you don’t … there must be someone else.

       So why do men die first?

       Because they want to!

That crazy little thing called love

It can make you, it can break you, but what is it exactly? From infatuation to friendship, therapist Andrew G Marshall analyses the many faces and descriptions of that overused four-letter word

Every popular song is about it, half our books and films obsess over it, everybody wants it.  But when we come to ask what love is, we are overwhelmed by a myriad different ideas and experiences.  On the one hand, love can lift us up; on the other, it can destroy us.  The problem is further compounded because we generally also feel tremendous love for our mothers, our children, our friends – even chocolate.  Or maybe especially chocolate.

How can one little word cover so many different nuances of feeling?  More importantly, if love means different things to different people, how can we ever effectively communicate it?

Scientists have been trying to define love according to their frame of reference for a very long time.  The pioneering sexologist Havelock Ellis provided a famous but entirely incorrect mathematical formula: love = sex + friendship.  Freud dismissed romantic love as the sex urge, blocked. 

Social biologists have scanned our brains and identified three chemicals – dopamine, phenyl ethylamine and oxytocin – which they claim attract us exclusively to our mates for long enough, in their opinion, to conceive and give the offspring a secure start.

All of this is mildly diverting, but of no use when someone looks into your eyes and tells you that they love you.  Dictionaries are not much help either.  They list almost two dozen definitions – including affection, fondness, caring, liking, concern, attraction, desire and infatuation.  We all instinctively agree there is a huge difference between liking and complete infatuation.  What we need is a new lexicon, something to help us negotiate and understand all the different types of love.

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov has already taken the first step towards this goal.  She interviewed 500 people from different backgrounds and age groups, both gay and straight, about falling in love, and found a startling similarity in how each respondent described their feelings.  The basic components were: intrusive thinking (you can’t stop daydreaming about them); an aching in the heart; an acute sensitivity to any act or thought which can be interpreted favourably; fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in their presence; intensification through adversity (at least up to a point) and a disregard for all other concerns.  Tennov also discovered “a remarkable ability to emphasise what is truly admirable and avoid dwelling on the negative”.  Love is, in other words, blind, deaf and completely oblivious to foolishness.

To distinguish between these overwhelming emotions and the more stable, domestic feelings experienced by long-term couples who are only too aware of their partner’s failings, Tennov coined a new term: limerence.  The obsessive, intrusive nature of limerence would be immediately recognisable to Martin: “I met her at a salsa class, the attraction was instant and we ended up exchanging telephone numbers, even though I knew she was married … It was impossible to get down to work until we’d had our morning talk.  I’d ache if she didn’t call.”  Twelve months later, when the affair had ended, Martin realised that they had little in common.  He put the attraction down to “lust”, yet the affair had been mostly non-sexual.  Tennov confirms: “Sexual attraction is not enough.  Selection standards for limerence are, according to my informants, not identical to those according to which mere sexual partners are evaluated, and sex is seldom the main focus for limerence.  However, the potential for mating is felt to be there, or the state described is not limerence.”

When someone is under the spell of limerence, not even being rejected dampens down the madness.  If limerence is returned, the feelings intensify and the couple end up ignoring their friends.  Sadly, these intense feelings never last.  Tennov puts the duration somewhere between six months and two years.  This is a very similar figure to that proposed by social biologist Cindy Hayman of Cornell University, who tracked the brain chemicals of 5,000 subjects in 37 different cultures, and found this phase lasted between 18 months and three years.

It is important to have a new word for these intense feelings, for two reasons.  First, it recognises the normality of borderline crazy behaviour in the first stages of love, which could easily be stigmatised as stalking, or pathologised as too much in self-help books such as Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood.  Secondly, when limerence wears off, some people fear they are falling out of love.  In reality, love has just moved on to a new phase, and many people use limerence as a springboard for a long-term relationship.  Arguably, we need this temporary madness, to convince us to set up home and intertwine our destinies with relative strangers.

While scientists have not researched precisely what it is that makes us choose one person over another, they have looked at what makes a good long-term partnership.  At this stage we pick people who are like us, or who complement us in some hidden way.  Often, we search for other people with whom we can act out the issues we were unable to resolve as children.  Our partners have to speak the same language, or there is simply no connection.  I call this kind of deep, intertwined love “loving attachment”.  Unlike limerence it is based on rational “eyes open” choices about compatibility.  Unlike limerence, loving attachment dies if it is not reciprocated, especially sexually.  Unlike limerence, loving attachment can last forever.

To truly understand loving attachment, it is necessary to clarify the difference between the love for our partner and that for our children and our parents.  Popular romance feeds us the idea of unconditional love, and during the limerence something approaching this is often achieved.  However, once a couple has moved on to loving attachment, unconditional love becomes a distant memory.  Most couples end up in my office because one half feels that their love is not returned, and because of that, over time, they have detached themselves from the relationship.

In contrast, the love for our children or parents is seldom conditional.  I call this bond loving affection, because affection exists largely independently of how the recipient responds.  The confusion between loving attachment and loving affection can cause just as much misery as the confusion over limerence.

Love is a source of tremendous joy and comfort.  However, it will also be the source of untold pain, until we begin to differentiate between the three strands contained in just one four-letter word.  Maybe this new lexicon can help us understand each other better.

Source: observer.guardian.co.uk The Observer 14 December 2003

by Dorothy Tennov

1. The limerent reaction (referring to the state of being “in love”) begins, usually at a point discernible at the time and later recalled.  Sexual attraction as such need not be experienced, although (a) the person is someone you view as a possible sexual partner, and (b) the initial “admiration” may be, or seem to be, primarily physical attraction.
    
2. Once limerence begins, you find yourself thinking about the LO (the Limerent Other: the current love object) and receiving considerable pleasure in the process.  There is an initial phase in which you feel buoyant, elated, and, ironically, for this appears to be the beginning of an essentially involuntary process, free.  Free not only from the usual restraints of gravity, but emotionally unburdened.  You may be attracted to more than one potential LO.  You feel that your response is a result of LO’s fine qualities.
    
3. With evidence of reciprocation from LO, you enjoy a state of extreme pleasure, even euphoria.  Your thoughts are mainly occupied with considering and reconsidering what you may find attractive in LO, replaying whatever events may have thus far transpired between you and LO, and appreciating qualities in yourself which you perceive as possibly having sparked interest in you on the part of LO.  (It is at this point in West Side Story that Maria, the contemporary Juliet, sings I Feel Pretty.)
    
4. Your degree of involvement increases if obstacles are externally imposed or if you doubt LO’s feelings for you.  Only if LO were to be revealed as highly undesirable might your limerence subside.  Usually, with some degree of doubt its intensity rises further, and you reach the stage at which the reaction is virtually impossible to dislodge, either by your own act of will, or by further evidence of LO’s undesirable qualities.  This is what Stendhal called crystallisation.  The doubt and increased intensity of limerence undermine your former satisfaction with yourself.  You acquire new clothes, change your hairstyle, and are receptive to any suggestion by which you might increase your own desirability in LO’s eyes.  You are inordinately fearful of rejection.
    
5. With increases in doubt interspersed with reason to hope that reciprocation may indeed occur, everything becomes intensified, especially your preoccupation with percentages.  At 100% you are mooning about, in either a joyful or a despairing state, preferring your fantasies to virtually any other activity unless it is (a) acting in ways that you believe will help you attain your limerent objective, such as beautifying yourself and, therefore increasing the probability that you will impress LO favourably during your interaction, or (b) actually being in the presence of LO.  Your motivation to attain a “relationship” (mating, or pair bond) continues to intensify so long as a “proper” mix of hope and uncertainty exist.
    
6. At any point in the process, if you perceive reciprocation, your degree of involvement ceases to rise — until, of course, you become uncertain again.  The timid partners may attempt to conceal from each other the full nature of the reaction that has seized them, preventing full reciprocation in each other’s eyes and allowing the intensity to increase.

To summarise, these things are needed:

For those who wish a cure, the most certain course is prevention.  Once you are in its grips your emotions are directed by the external situation, and the only effective action open to you is destruction of any opportunity for reciprocation to occur.

Limerence for a particular LO does cease under one of the following conditions: consummation – in which the bliss of reciprocation is gradually either blended into a lasting love or replaced by less positive feelings; starvation – in which even limerent sensitivity to signs of hope is useless against the onslaught of evidence that LO does not return the limerence; transformation – in which limerence is transferred to a new LO.

Source: from Love and Limerence: the Experience of Being in Love by Dorothy Tennov