Its two thirty as I lie in this bed

Its always you that is in my head

If only I could have a wish

That it is not you that I now miss

But I still lie in bed all these days

And I think of my wife in so many ways

I lie and think of our last day together

I lie and think how I could have made it better

I Love you so much and want to show how I feel

I need you to know what I have for you is real

Every moment with you I will cherish forever

I wish right now that we could be together

Instead of your gown it is you I want beside me

It’s only with you that I can be set free

Without my wife by my side I feel out of place

When I close my eyes I think of you and see your face

I am missing you so very much, I just want you here

Do you really know how much I need you my dear

I Love you my wife don’t leave me here all alone

Please phone me up and say I can come home

My Love for you is far more than real

I lie here in bed wondering how you feel

And I still lie here in some sort of daze

Thinking of you my love in so many ways

I still lie here thinking of our last day together

I am thinking now I could have made it better

Did I get it across to you about how I feel

Did I show that what I have for you is real

I hope you know you are my life

What more can I say I love my wife

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he’d told her was empty. Then she settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.

It had been a year since Susan, 34, became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity. And all she had to cling to was her husband, Mark.

Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to become independent again.

Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan, and fulfilled Mark’s need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task.

Soon, however, Mark realized the arrangement wasn’t working. Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But she was still so fragile, so angry – how would she react? Just as he predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again.

“I’m blind!”, she responded bitterly. “How am I supposed to know where I am going? I feel like you’re abandoning me.”

Mark’s heart broke to hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it took, until she got the hang of it. And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day.

He taught her how to rely on her other senses, specifically her hearing, to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat.

Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus-riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, And his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday… Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better. She was doing it! She was going to work all by herself.

On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying the fare to exit the bus, the driver said, “Boy, I sure do envy you.” Susan wasn’t sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? Curious, she asked the driver, “Why do you say that you envy me?”

The driver responded, “It must feel good to be taken care of and protected like you are.” Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, and again asked, “What do you mean?”

The driver answered, “You know, every morning for the past week, a fine-looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you as you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches until you enter your office building.

Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady.” Tears of happiness poured down Susan’s cheeks. For although she couldn’t physically see him, she had always felt Mark’s presence. She was lucky, so lucky, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn’t need to see to believe – the gift of love that can bring light where there is darkness.

http://i-love-my-wife.co.uk/

Once upon a time, twin boys were conceived.

Weeks passed and the twins developed. As their awareness grew, they laughed for joy: “Isn’t it great that we were conceived? Isn’t it great to be alive? ”

Together the twins explored their worlds. When they found their mother’s cord that gave them life, they sang for joy! “How great our mother’s love is, that she shares her own life with us!”

As weeks stretched into months, the twins noticed how much each was changing.

“What does it mean?” one asked.

“It means our stay in this world is drawing to an end.” said the other.

“But I don’t want to go,” said one. “I want to stay here always.”

“We have no choice,” said the other. “But maybe there is life after birth.”

“But how can there be?” responded one. “We will shed our life cord and how can life be possible without it? Besides, we have seen evidence that others were here before us, and none of them has returned to tell us there is life after birth. No, this is the end. Maybe there is no mother after all.”

“But there has to be,” protested the other. “How else did we get here? How do we remain alive?”

“Have you ever seen our mother?” said one.

“Maybe she only lives in our minds. Maybe we made her up because the idea made us feel good.”

So the last days in the womb were filled with deep questioning and fear.

Finally, the moment of birth arrived. When the twins had passed from their world, they opened their eyes and cried for joy – for what they saw exceeded their fondest dreams.

That is birth … and that is death.

To Mary

It seemed like only yesterday,
When you walked down the aisle.
I saw the love light in your eyes,
And your gentle little smile.

You were nervous, so was I
You whispered, “Yes I do.”
I repeated, we embraced,
And I said, “I love you.”

We stood together, side by side,
Through times both thick and thin.
When troubles tried to fog our minds,
Our love grew strong within.

The bad times, we just pushed aside,
Our hearts were filled with joy.
First came our baby daughter,
And then our little boy.

Now they are grown and on their own,
The years went by too fast.
The home was always full of love,
We wanted it to last.

Next grandkids filled the quiet home,
New toys and screams of glee.
It was another happy time
For Grandma and for me.

GOD then saw fit to bless us both,
A Great grand daughter came along.
Once again our lives were made complete,
And our hearts were filled with song.

So life has come full circle,
May our love keep burning bright.
You are the one who holds my heart,
Through morning, noon and night.

For I love you like ’twas yesterday.
When we became as one,
You were friend, a lover, Mother too
And I say to you, “Well Done!”

© Joe Pielmeier Sr.

Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of
explanation, first: If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the
 rat race … you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the
 housework … you’re a pansy. If you work too hard … there’s never
 any time for her. If you don’t work enough ….. you’re a
 good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay
 … this is exploitation. If you have a  boring repetitive job with
 low pay ….. you should get off your lazy behind  and find something
 better. If you get a promotion ahead of her … that is  favoritism.
 If she gets a job ahead of you ….. it’s equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks … it’s sexual harassment. If
 you keep  quiet …… it’s male indifference. If you cry … you’re a
 wimp. If you  don’t …… you’re an insensitive bastard. If you make
 a decision without  consulting her ……. you’re a chauvinist. If she
 makes a decision without  consulting you, she’s a liberated woman. If
 you ask her to do something she  doesn’t enjoy … that’s domination.
 If SHE asks you … it’s a favor. If  you appreciate the female form
 and frilly underwear …… you’re a pervert.  If you don’t … you’re
 gay. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape …
 you’re sexist..  If you don’t … you’re unromantic. If you try to
 keep yourself in shape  …… you’re vain. If you don’t … you’re a
 slob. If you buy her flowers  … you’re after something. If you don’t
you’re not thoughtful. If  you’re proud of your achievements …
 you’re full of yourself. If you don’t  … you’re not ambitious. If
 she has a headache … she’s tired. If you have  a headache …… you
 don’t love her anymore. If you want it too often ….
 you’re oversexed.. If you don’t … there must be someone else.       So why do men die first? Because they want to!

That crazy little thing called love

It can make you, it can break you, but what is it exactly? From infatuation to friendship, therapist Andrew G Marshall analyses the many faces and descriptions of that overused four-letter word

Every popular song is about it, half our books and films obsess over it, everybody wants it.  But when we come to ask what love is, we are overwhelmed by a myriad different ideas and experiences.  On the one hand, love can lift us up; on the other, it can destroy us.  The problem is further compounded because we generally also feel tremendous love for our mothers, our children, our friends – even chocolate.  Or maybe especially chocolate.

How can one little word cover so many different nuances of feeling?  More importantly, if love means different things to different people, how can we ever effectively communicate it?

Scientists have been trying to define love according to their frame of reference for a very long time.  The pioneering sexologist Havelock Ellis provided a famous but entirely incorrect mathematical formula: love = sex + friendship.  Freud dismissed romantic love as the sex urge, blocked. 

Social biologists have scanned our brains and identified three chemicals – dopamine, phenyl ethylamine and oxytocin – which they claim attract us exclusively to our mates for long enough, in their opinion, to conceive and give the offspring a secure start.

All of this is mildly diverting, but of no use when someone looks into your eyes and tells you that they love you.  Dictionaries are not much help either.  They list almost two dozen definitions – including affection, fondness, caring, liking, concern, attraction, desire and infatuation.  We all instinctively agree there is a huge difference between liking and complete infatuation.  What we need is a new lexicon, something to help us negotiate and understand all the different types of love.

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov has already taken the first step towards this goal.  She interviewed 500 people from different backgrounds and age groups, both gay and straight, about falling in love, and found a startling similarity in how each respondent described their feelings.  The basic components were: intrusive thinking (you can’t stop daydreaming about them); an aching in the heart; an acute sensitivity to any act or thought which can be interpreted favourably; fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in their presence; intensification through adversity (at least up to a point) and a disregard for all other concerns.  Tennov also discovered “a remarkable ability to emphasise what is truly admirable and avoid dwelling on the negative”.  Love is, in other words, blind, deaf and completely oblivious to foolishness.

To distinguish between these overwhelming emotions and the more stable, domestic feelings experienced by long-term couples who are only too aware of their partner’s failings, Tennov coined a new term: limerence.  The obsessive, intrusive nature of limerence would be immediately recognisable to Martin: “I met her at a salsa class, the attraction was instant and we ended up exchanging telephone numbers, even though I knew she was married … It was impossible to get down to work until we’d had our morning talk.  I’d ache if she didn’t call.”  Twelve months later, when the affair had ended, Martin realised that they had little in common.  He put the attraction down to “lust”, yet the affair had been mostly non-sexual.  Tennov confirms: “Sexual attraction is not enough.  Selection standards for limerence are, according to my informants, not identical to those according to which mere sexual partners are evaluated, and sex is seldom the main focus for limerence.  However, the potential for mating is felt to be there, or the state described is not limerence.”

When someone is under the spell of limerence, not even being rejected dampens down the madness.  If limerence is returned, the feelings intensify and the couple end up ignoring their friends.  Sadly, these intense feelings never last.  Tennov puts the duration somewhere between six months and two years.  This is a very similar figure to that proposed by social biologist Cindy Hayman of Cornell University, who tracked the brain chemicals of 5,000 subjects in 37 different cultures, and found this phase lasted between 18 months and three years.

It is important to have a new word for these intense feelings, for two reasons.  First, it recognises the normality of borderline crazy behaviour in the first stages of love, which could easily be stigmatised as stalking, or pathologised as too much in self-help books such as Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood.  Secondly, when limerence wears off, some people fear they are falling out of love.  In reality, love has just moved on to a new phase, and many people use limerence as a springboard for a long-term relationship.  Arguably, we need this temporary madness, to convince us to set up home and intertwine our destinies with relative strangers.

While scientists have not researched precisely what it is that makes us choose one person over another, they have looked at what makes a good long-term partnership.  At this stage we pick people who are like us, or who complement us in some hidden way.  Often, we search for other people with whom we can act out the issues we were unable to resolve as children.  Our partners have to speak the same language, or there is simply no connection.  I call this kind of deep, intertwined love “loving attachment”.  Unlike limerence it is based on rational “eyes open” choices about compatibility.  Unlike limerence, loving attachment dies if it is not reciprocated, especially sexually.  Unlike limerence, loving attachment can last forever.

To truly understand loving attachment, it is necessary to clarify the difference between the love for our partner and that for our children and our parents.  Popular romance feeds us the idea of unconditional love, and during the limerence something approaching this is often achieved.  However, once a couple has moved on to loving attachment, unconditional love becomes a distant memory.  Most couples end up in my office because one half feels that their love is not returned, and because of that, over time, they have detached themselves from the relationship.

In contrast, the love for our children or parents is seldom conditional.  I call this bond loving affection, because affection exists largely independently of how the recipient responds.  The confusion between loving attachment and loving affection can cause just as much misery as the confusion over limerence.

Love is a source of tremendous joy and comfort.  However, it will also be the source of untold pain, until we begin to differentiate between the three strands contained in just one four-letter word.  Maybe this new lexicon can help us understand each other better.

Source: observer.guardian.co.uk The Observer 14 December 2003

by Dorothy Tennov

1. The limerent reaction (referring to the state of being “in love”) begins, usually at a point discernible at the time and later recalled.  Sexual attraction as such need not be experienced, although (a) the person is someone you view as a possible sexual partner, and (b) the initial “admiration” may be, or seem to be, primarily physical attraction.
    
2. Once limerence begins, you find yourself thinking about the LO (the Limerent Other: the current love object) and receiving considerable pleasure in the process.  There is an initial phase in which you feel buoyant, elated, and, ironically, for this appears to be the beginning of an essentially involuntary process, free.  Free not only from the usual restraints of gravity, but emotionally unburdened.  You may be attracted to more than one potential LO.  You feel that your response is a result of LO’s fine qualities.
    
3. With evidence of reciprocation from LO, you enjoy a state of extreme pleasure, even euphoria.  Your thoughts are mainly occupied with considering and reconsidering what you may find attractive in LO, replaying whatever events may have thus far transpired between you and LO, and appreciating qualities in yourself which you perceive as possibly having sparked interest in you on the part of LO.  (It is at this point in West Side Story that Maria, the contemporary Juliet, sings I Feel Pretty.)
    
4. Your degree of involvement increases if obstacles are externally imposed or if you doubt LO’s feelings for you.  Only if LO were to be revealed as highly undesirable might your limerence subside.  Usually, with some degree of doubt its intensity rises further, and you reach the stage at which the reaction is virtually impossible to dislodge, either by your own act of will, or by further evidence of LO’s undesirable qualities.  This is what Stendhal called crystallisation.  The doubt and increased intensity of limerence undermine your former satisfaction with yourself.  You acquire new clothes, change your hairstyle, and are receptive to any suggestion by which you might increase your own desirability in LO’s eyes.  You are inordinately fearful of rejection.
    
5. With increases in doubt interspersed with reason to hope that reciprocation may indeed occur, everything becomes intensified, especially your preoccupation with percentages.  At 100% you are mooning about, in either a joyful or a despairing state, preferring your fantasies to virtually any other activity unless it is (a) acting in ways that you believe will help you attain your limerent objective, such as beautifying yourself and, therefore increasing the probability that you will impress LO favourably during your interaction, or (b) actually being in the presence of LO.  Your motivation to attain a “relationship” (mating, or pair bond) continues to intensify so long as a “proper” mix of hope and uncertainty exist.
    
6. At any point in the process, if you perceive reciprocation, your degree of involvement ceases to rise — until, of course, you become uncertain again.  The timid partners may attempt to conceal from each other the full nature of the reaction that has seized them, preventing full reciprocation in each other’s eyes and allowing the intensity to increase.

To summarise, these things are needed:

For those who wish a cure, the most certain course is prevention.  Once you are in its grips your emotions are directed by the external situation, and the only effective action open to you is destruction of any opportunity for reciprocation to occur.

Limerence for a particular LO does cease under one of the following conditions: consummation – in which the bliss of reciprocation is gradually either blended into a lasting love or replaced by less positive feelings; starvation – in which even limerent sensitivity to signs of hope is useless against the onslaught of evidence that LO does not return the limerence; transformation – in which limerence is transferred to a new LO.

Source: from Love and Limerence: the Experience of Being in Love by Dorothy Tennov

The Provider Man:
The Provider Man is an ultra smart alpha male who is always in control of his finances and emotions. You will hardly find him in a bad financial state (this doesn’t always mean he would be rich, just never short of cash) or in an emotional state. But these sexy qualities come at a price. You have got to be a slave to his demands. If not he is going to dump you, doesn’t matter if you are pregnant with his child. The Provider male works hard for his money, gives unbeatable competition to others around him and likes to play hard as well. The Provider Man is everywhere, the more visible, smart, tall, and muscular; hit-with-women guys are all these type. As long as you are submissive to him he will never fall short of providing money or other material pleasures to you.

 
Pros: Boy-toy, 5 credit cards, machismo

 
Cons: Demanding, sex hungry, doesn’t value true love.

 
The Thinker Man:
The Thinker Man is the kind of man that most ordinary women don’t like. The Thinker guy lives in a Man’s world, a world that you cannot even possibly imagine. Due to his imagination powers he’s a highly creative guy. He loves doing impossible things, talks about thinks impossible and is easily bored. He gets quite emotional at times, unusually for a man. If he’s a good guy he will love you with all his heart but still forgets your birthday, because there was an important project in the office. He will try to makeup by buying nice things and loving you ‘with words’ but each times fails to read your mind.

 
Pros: They are very romantic. You are the center of there world. They will love and touch the bottom of your heart. If you respond well they do amazing things for you. Things that will show his eternal love. But you have got to respond in words, if you don’t they can’t read your mind.

 
Cons: Finances in a mess, house in a mess, bathroom complete war zone. Forgetful, May say the wrong thing, May not always like to socialize with your circle of friends.

How things work between Men and women

A man will pay £10.00 for a £5.00 item he needs.

A woman will pay £5.00 for a £10.00 item that she does not need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot, and not try to understand her at all..

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting she won’t change, but she does.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose. And every year her husband had sent them, tied with pretty bows. The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door. The card said, “Be my Valentine,” like all the years before.

Each year he’d sent her roses, and the note would always say, “I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.” “My love for you will always grow, with every passing year.” She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.

She thought, “He’d ordered roses in advance before this day.” Her husband could not have known, that he would pass away. He always liked to do things early; way before the time. Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.

She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase. Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face. And then she sat for hours, in her husband’s favorite chair; While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.

A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate. With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate. Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before, The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door.

She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock. Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop. The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain, Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?

“I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,” The owner said, “I knew you’d call, and you would want to know.” “The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.” “Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.”

“There is a standing order, that I have on file down here, And he has paid, well in advance, you’ll get them every year. There also is another thing, that I think you should know, He wrote a special little card…he did this years ago.”

“Then, should ever, I find out that he’s no longer here, That’s the card…that should be sent, to you the following year.” She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard. Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note. Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote… “Hello my love, I know it’s been a year since I’ve been gone, I hope it hasn’t been too hard for you to overcome.”

“I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real. For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel. The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life. I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.”

“You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need. I know it’s only been a year, but please try not to grieve. I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears. That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.”

“When you get these roses, think of all the happiness, That we had together, and how both of us were blessed. I have always loved you and I know I always will. But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.

“Please… try to find happiness, while living out your days. I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways. The roses will come every year, and they will only stop, When your door’s not answered, when the florist stops to knock.”

“He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out. But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt, To take the roses to the place, where I’ve instructed him, And place the roses where we are, together once again.”

“Roses for Rose” by James A. Kisner

*CLICK TO PLAY*Nana Mouskouri – Only love 

It’s a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm.

It’s so cold today.I’m standing at my window, looking at the people moving like little dots. Standing in a heated room, I’m beginning to pity those people. Why don’t they go home? Do they plan on wandering until morning?

“Almost time to go home! My boyfriend must be going crazy.” One of the nurses breathe a sign of relief. “Still needs to work overtime on Valentine’s Day. It’s so unfair!”

“You are fortunate.” Another nurse says. “Some people don’t have anyone waiting for them.”

“You mean Dr. Shu?”
Like Sherlock Holmes, my ears perk up when I hear my name.
“Do you remember how she lost control on this day last year?”
“Of course I do.” A nurse shudders. “I’ve never seen Dr. Shu like that. Crying and yelling, like she was crazy.”
They are talking about how I was last year. They are correct. I was out of control, like they said.
“You can’t blame Dr. Shu. If my boyfriend died in front of my eyes, I would probably go crazy as well.”
“Keep it down. She hasn’t left work yet. She might hear you.”
The two nurses are too late. I heard the entire conversation through the canvas wall.
“Dr. Shu, what are you doing standing here?”

Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself, another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine’s Day chocolates.

“I’m waiting to go home.” I pretend that I didn’t hear anything.
“Dr. Shu, you must have gotten too involved in your work. It’s already past time to go home. See you tomorrow. Happy Valentine’s Day!” She waves goodbye.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away.

That’s fine. I was ready to go home anyway. Even though no lover is waiting
for me, at least there’s a lazy cat waiting for me to feed.

After I come home, the first thing I do is feed the cat. I forgot when I first had the cat. Probably since last year’s Valentine’s Day. At that time, I was like an abandoned cat, with eyes filled with despair. Cats don’t cry, I do. That’s the only difference.

“Better drink all the milk or I’ll skin you.” I threatened the cat. Her name is Christine, my least favorite English name. I don’t know why I named the cat Christine. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me, but her eyes are complaining about my severity. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know, standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions.

An year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.

“Today is Valentine’s Day. Why didn’t you give me any flowers?”

He raised his eyebrow. “Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone.”

“Then… you should at least give me a card!” I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.

“I know, I know. After lunch, I’ll send you an e-card.”

E-card. That sounds so impersonal, but that’s the way he is. “You have to e-mail it to me. I’ll be waiting.” I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even though he wouldn’t use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.

“I can’t stand you women. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine’s Day??” He grumbled while eating his food. His comment induced me to fight with him again.

“You are not romantic at all!! Don’t you watch any Japanese drama?”

“Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel.”

“Your life is so boring.” I made a face at him. “One recent drama was really good. You should have watched it.”

“What’s that drama called?” He didn’t believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies. He always thought they were lies.

“It’s called ‘Story of A Century’.” I gladly answered.

“What kind of trashy plot did it have?”

“What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!” I was so angry. “That drama was very touching, and the theme song was beautiful as well. It’s called ‘Only Love’, performed by Nana Mouskouri.” I wonder if he knew who Nana was.

“Nana, I know her. A Greek singer with really expensive albums.”

“Her voice is worth it.” Even though I secretly agreed with him, I couldn’t bring myself to admit it.

“Whatever.” He glanced at his watch. “I’ll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot. After that, I’m leaving.”

I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years, from 1901 to 2000. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. The story was tear-jerking.

“What’s so touching about it?” He asked, after listening to the story.

“Don’t you think each generation’s story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability, I wouldn’t be a doctor anymore. I would become a screenwriter.”

“If you become a screenwriter, I bet no one would watch the show. The TV station can go out of business.” He quickly interjected.

“I’m going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!” I was so mad that I went home immediately, not even finishing my coffee.

As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and go online.

Staring at the empty in-box, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. Used to the city life, I couldn’t get used to the simple life in the country. After school, I would just go home and do nothing. Whenever that happened, he would always come over to tease me.

“Why are you staring off into space??” He loved to pull on my hair. “You’re so ugly when you’re doing nothing. But you’re also not pretty when you smile.” In other words, I’m really ugly.

“You’re the one who’s ugly!” I pull back my hair. “If you think I’m so ugly, why do you visit me??”

“Can’t help it. My home is right next to your home.” He argued.

“Then I’ll move!” The next day, I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk. A line that I forbid him to cross.

That year, we were both in the 5th grade. We couldn’t stand each other and hoped the other would move away. But 5 years passed, and neither of us moved. Not only that, we got into the same high school and into the same class.

“You’re that infamous couple.” All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us.

“We’re not!” I always tried to explain. “We’re only neighbors.” At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him.
“My standard is not that low.” He would say. “Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It’s not like I don’t have eyes.”

“Yes, I know your eyes are on top of your head.” I really disliked him. “Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you.” He implied that I couldn’t judge guys. At that time, I had a crush on a senior.

I didn’t think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.

“I told you he wasn’t any good.” He roughly comforted me. I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.

Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would
not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. Even though we cared about each other’s every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love.

Time flew by quickly, and it was time to face separation. I chose to study medicine, and he chose physics. Yet we still couldn’t separate from each other. Our parents worried that we didn’t know anyone in Taipei, so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. Once again, we became neighbors. We still fought, but sometimes we fought into the bedroom. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn’t say we loved each other. We didn’t even spend Valentine’s Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine’s Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine’s Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine’s Day together. After graduation, I became an intern. He started a small computer company with some friends and became a programmer. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. Three years later, I became a doctor, and his business began to boom. We separately moved to bigger
apartments and stopped being neighbors. On the surface, we left each other. In reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine’s Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.

Facing the empty in-box, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn’t say it and wouldn’t send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.

“Hello.” He picked up the phone.

“I didn’t receive the card.” I immediately showed my displeasure.

“You didn’t receive it?” He seemed really busy. “But I sent it.”

He was really busy but I didn’t care. “I didn’t receive it. Send it again.”

“Okay, I’ll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??” He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?

“Don’t bother sending it to me. And you don’t have to pick me up tonight.

I’ll eat dinner by myself.”

“Don’t be childish, ok? I’m really busy.”

“I AM childish!” I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.

Childish?? Why didn’t he consider the situation? We’ve gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine’s Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??

I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn’t want to hear his explanations. After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work.

Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.

“Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient.”

As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.

“What happened to him?” I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.

“Car accident.” The medic replied. “Very serious. He may die.”

I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped

“Prepare for shock.” I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can’t lose our calm.

But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend!

“No…” I stood in shock. “NO!!!” I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.

I didn’t know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love. I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn’t die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn’t wake up. He didn’t even say “It hurts”. He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.

Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn’t see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.

“It’s too late, Dr. Shu. He’s already dead. I’m sorry.” Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.

“He can’t die.” I shook my head. “He can’t die!!” I struggled to run to him.

“Dr. Shu, control yourself!” Dr. Jian slapped me. “I understand what you’re going through, but you’re a doctor.”

Yes, I’m a doctor, but I’m also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I’ve loved him for so many years that it’s become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card. “I want him to live! I want him to live!” I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.

“Take her away!” That day, I lost my control and my professionalism.

And that day happened to be Valentine’s Day.

Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.

They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn’t reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.

When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish.

Like an abandoned cat, I couldn’t even cry anymore. After his death, I couldn’t cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn’t affect me anymore.

Now, I’m only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.

Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what’s wrong. She finished her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen.

I have…. 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail?

I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: “Because of system error, we could not send these until today.

We apologize for the delay.” The sender was my ISP.

I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year’s Valentine’s Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these?

With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play…. “Only Love”.  

*CLICK TO PLAY*Nana Mouskouri – Only love 

I couldn’t believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a fantasy. Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem.

“Hwei.”

That’s my name.

“Knowing you so many years, I’ve never sent you any flowers. Today I send you a rose.”

I received it and it’s so beautiful.

“You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel.”

Yes, but it’s all your fault for being so distant.

“I know I always make you mad by the things I say.”

Good that you’re admitting it.

“But today I want to say to you: I’m sorry, and I love you.”

I waited so many years for those words.

“And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough money.”

You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?

“So Hwei, let’s get married!! I was afraid to propose to you, because I didn’t trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. But now I’ve saved enough money so we don’t have to wait anymore.”

Who wanted you to wait? I’m already yours.
“Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei? Will you?”

That’s the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading his words and talking to him. It’s like I can hear his voice and see him again.

As if it’s back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.

The song played over and over. Repeating Nana’s heartbreaking voice.

Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it’s songs unsung. and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for,
and how you gave that love to me….”

The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away.

“Will you marry me?”

When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard.

Will I? If he’s in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool. If I wasn’t willing, I wouldn’t have waited until today.

So I moved the cursor over the “Reply” box, and typed the response that I’ve already prepared for so many years – “I will.”

I will – be by his side for the rest of my life. I will – fight with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response I got was the repeating song “Only Love.”

Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled rose, and typed the same response: “I will.”

I replied 100 times, and “Only Love” played 100 times. In this cold Valentine’s night, the line that’s been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected.

I answered you. What about you?